Ah, that notorious Year 2000 bug. You've undoubtedly heard all of the uproar and what is supposed to happen on New Years Day 2000. I am sure that you have been thinking all along, "I am a just a regular, run of the mill golfer, how can this possibly affect me?". Well think again oh mighty Tiger and David wannabees, without proper preparation, disaster could be lurking just around the corner. Whether you are a Rolex wearing country club member or a Timex wearing "muni" player, you are affected by this "bug".

"What do I do?", you ask in a panic, your answer is just as simple as carefully following my checklist below. I can speak with full assurance, backed up with my full 100% money back guarantee, that this checklist will protect you, your family and your golf game from the utter disaster that just lurks around the champagne bubbly corner.

Along with the potential pitfalls and issues, you will find a "must have" component of any Y2K plan, a "Contingency Plan". This will enable your "game" to survive. While others are preparing their Y2K plans and assembling project teams to deal with the potential fallout. You need not worry, your Y2K Golf consultant has dedicated many hours to help you make par on January 1, 2000!

Golf Balls - These are essential! As you know, folks are hoarding the necessities of life. Daily essentials like food, water, money and gold are being horded by the "haves" in this society. I say an ample supply of golf balls is just as important as food and water. So begin to stock up now!
Contingency Plan: Use those grungy, "XXXX" balls that are in the bottom of your bag . Or if you run out of those, you can always pilfer some of the ones with the fancy red, racing stripes.

Pencils (sharpened) - How else do you really expect to keep score? It is certainly going to be real difficult to keep track of which hole you really got the six and gave yourself a five. Check with your club pro to make sure that their pencils are Y2K compliant. Those numbers can get really big in a hurry to add up in your head.
Contingency Plan: Slide Rule or a slate and chisel, like the one Fred Flintstone used.

Carts - "A Good Walk Spoiled" has become "A Good Ride Spoiled". I am sure that your pro will tell you that their carts are compliant. Lord knows that carrying your clubs is certainly not an option!
Contingency Plan: Buy a pull cart and get those treadmill toned legs pumping.

19th Hole (Rolex wearers) or Halfway House (Timex wearers) - Check with your course to make sure that they will have sufficient hot dogs, chips, candy bars and assorted beverages. Make sure that they understand the time sensitivity of this issue, as many golf courses will be stocking up on these essential items as 1999 winds down.
Contingency Plan: Simply bottled water and a power snack bar of your choice.

Titanium Woods and Balls - Check with your manufacturer to insure that your titanium equipment is Y2K compliant. Keep in mind that manufacturers have been more concerned about the biggest, great big and the best in recent years and some may have neglected to check this all important issue. What would happen if your driver wouldn't work?
Contingency Plan: I didn't say that this would be painless, brace yourself, regular balls and real wood woods. Don't you just cringe when those guys on TV call it a "3 Metal"?!

Ball Washers - What will happen if there is no water supply to your golf course on January 1, 2000? Playing with dirty balls is simply not acceptable, even during times of disaster!
Contingency Plan: Rolex wearers - Ration your bottled water for both drinking and washing. This will insure that your racing striped ball will only touch potable water. Timex wearers - The old spit shine routine will have to suffice suffice.

Starter's Watch - This is no less critical than everything else on the list. No self respecting hacker wants to arrive at the course only to find it backed up because the starter's watch turned into "Old Father Time" at midnite.
Contingency Plan: Buy your starter one of those old fashioned windup watches, the kind that you bought as a child at Ben Franklin (before Sam Walton got rich). Note: You will probably need to search the antique stores or Ebay to find one.

Lawnmowers - Stories are circulating that cars and trucks will simply stop running on January 1. Well, lawnmowers are certainly no different and are just as important to the quality of a golfer's life. We certainly don't want to play any courses like the black and white footage shots of Byron Nelson or Sam Snead days.
Contingency Plan: Make sure that your course has several of those manual, push mowers. You will probably need to search the same antique stores or Ebay. Note: If you are under the age of 30, check with your father. He will tell you what you are looking for.

I speak not of doom and gloom, but a message of hope, preparedness and contingency planning. I come to potentially save marriages and friendships. Begin planning now, and rest assured that when you play with your regular group, they will be asking why you have that coy little smile on your face. They might be thinking that you have bought some new piece of high tech equipment or that you have taken a couple of secret lessons. But no, you will be certified "Y2K compliant" and you will be cleaning their Rolex's or Timex's come January 1, 2000!

Always Up and Down!

John F. Domansky
807 W. Main
Brenham, Texas 77833
jdomansky@mail.st-joseph.org
(409) 830-8656